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Trilobite Pachinko

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8/20/15 03:02 pm - when you need therapy to deal with NOT being depressed

It turns out that, having bounced out of having been down since last year -- gigantic move, new difficult climate, unexpected breakup, worsening chronic pain, major surgery and recovery, death of a parent, heart attack of remaining parent, death of a pet, the thing is I am certain I am leaving things out -- I am having trouble forgiving myself for not being able to do things that I should totally have been able to do. Because now I can do them, so what was my problem?

(Boy, I really did not like it when my therapist forgave part of the cost for the appointment I missed because she figured I couldn't help it, either. I am supposed to be able to fix make do all the things, what is this doubting my capabilities?! Even when I don't, temporarily, actually have them.)

But right. I did not have the energy to do the work that needed to be done. There were weights on every part of me making everything much harder than it usually is.

The trick now is to figure out how to put my energy into the places it needs to go rather than skating along with the habits that used to be more adaptive and now are a bad plan.

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/663452.html. Respond wherever you like.

8/19/15 11:24 pm - a potato salad recipe

(The easiest of several owed posts.)

Dice into 1/2-inch cubes and boil until done, about 10 minutes:
2 large sweet potatoes
1 large potato

Drain and cool.

Mix together to make dressing:
Mayonnaise, 2-3 tbsp
Fig balsamic salad dressing or similar, about 1 1/2 tbsp
(If the people eating can have onions and chili, tamarind chutney could be good here too. Something tart and fruity.)
Salt, about 1/4 tsp
Freshly ground black pepper, about 1/2 tsp
Five spice powder, tiny pinch
Spicy brown mustard, about 1 tsp
Dried thyme, 1/2 tsp

Add about 1/4 cup frozen peas to the potatoes and fold in dressing until well mixed.

Optional slightly weirder ingredients that were very good:
One diced apple (treated with lemon to avoid browning)
Nasturtium flowers

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/663220.html. Respond wherever you like.
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8/4/15 11:23 pm - i did something really great

Antidote to yesterday? Antidote to yesterday.

So for my dragon game, one of the things we do is compete for dominance. One of the best ways to win is to offer prizes so that people who aren't on your team will help you out. (There are 11 teams, so, plenty of people you're not competing against directly at any given time.) The prizes need to be posted on the site's forums, which run on BBCode, and the tradition is to use code that calls the image of the item.

This is a pain in the butt to hand-write.

Tonight I noticed that, actually, we have a Google sheet with all the names of the items already organized, and it's really tedious to copypaste tags onto things, and you know this is a thing that computers are awfully good at... I stuck another tab onto the spreadsheet and played around a bit, and it was not that hard at all to make the sheet generate the BBCode for us. One of the most annoying and time-consuming jobs we have just got about 95% easier.

I think my teammates just elected me spreadsheet wizard for life. So very smug.

(it is here if you want to see but DON'T SHOW THE NATURE TEAM)

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/663005.html. Respond wherever you like.
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8/3/15 08:23 pm - bad roller coaster

#unabashed whining #well no actually pretty fucking abashedCollapse )

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/662656.html. Respond wherever you like.

8/3/15 09:28 am - great deal in boston

Whoa, Harvard has tickets to the Museum of Science Pixar exhibit on Friday Sept 18 only for $12.50 each. Who's with me? Better hurry!

(ETA: Regular price $29.)

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/662523.html. Respond wherever you like.
 

7/29/15 08:57 am - sad again

Feeling super sad about Bat again now that I'm going home and he won't be there. And then I hit how he was in pain and didn't understand what was wrong, and I didn't know to fix it soon enough.

I will have fun with [personal profile] rushthatspeaks today and I'll be glad to be home, but right now I'm glad check-out time isn't for another hour so I can cry in my room.

[ETA: [personal profile] rushthatspeaks left the house before ten to come get me. I am loved.]

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/662262.html. Respond wherever you like.
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7/26/15 10:35 pm - day off whew

Had breakfast with several people, the first of whom asked if I was up for company before she sat down. Yes, that is how you do it. They invited me to join them on their ferry and bike-riding but I cheerfully said "nope!" I loafed about until around 4, semi-napping when I felt the need, and then set off for the nearby lighthouse on foot.

Trip to Nobska Lighthouse, in tweets/pictures.

Read more...Collapse )

I've been reading this amazing Metafilter thread on emotional labor all day. It's very very long, but worthwhile. Here's a sample:

I had a dream last night that Robert Downey Jr. surprised me with something he thought I would like, based on my interests: Himself, springing out of a pile of leaves by my bed, enthusiastically wearing a unicorn horn and hooves like a brony. The dream was so satisfying, I think, not because I really want this to happen, but because it was nice to feel supported in my interests, however silly they might be—my husband vocally does not support this interest.


HOW RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE.

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/661865.html. Respond wherever you like.

7/26/15 12:00 am - today

Roommate left. I left her a note and cleared out, since she had pretty obviously wanted the room to herself for packing up.

Chilled out before dinner, then went and ate a lobster. I sustained only one minor injury and got lots of food out of it. I remain fine with lobster in a way where you can have most of it and I will eat this clam chowder. (The chowder was great, the corn on the cob was terrible.)

Talked to several live humans and sang the Amphioxus song. One of the pictures on the wall is Gertrude Stein! The description of which person in that photo she is is ambiguous. Met a person who is my research cousin -- Ph.D. advisor's former postdoc's student, but we're both doing completely different things now. She is going to an Edward Gorey museum tomorrow and will tell me the results. (I have no plans with any humans tomorrow and am EXTREMELY PLEASED about that.) Another person told me where the bioluminescence is supposed to be best observed, and exhibited the scrapes he had gotten failing to see it.

I am better at clambering than he is. I saw the ctenophores! I was expecting more of a gentle glow, but they flash like tiny lightnings in the water between the blocks of the jetty. I splashed at them a few times and got them to blink, but then some waves arrived and they developed a whole storm, shallow and deeper and semi-periodic, very beautiful.

(Also thank god for privacy and Mad Max poly femmeslash.)

What with the lobster party, I did not manage to get any food from the dining hall to squirrel away in case I need to eat before brunch at ten, but I can find something if I have to. Maybe I will be able to sleep late! Unlikely but possible!

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/661676.html. Respond wherever you like.
 

7/25/15 11:30 am - recovery continues

Feeling emotionally much better and less exhausted. Having some thoughts and realizations that I will post about; glad I have a therapist appointment the day after I get back.

I did have to contend with a really bad hypothesis this morning. I'd done laundry last night, and the count of my shirts was off this morning. I figured out which one I was looking for, but the machine was running again already, so I got showered and dressed first instead. When I went down, someone was already unloading, great, so I asked if she could look for my shirt in there. Oh, I said, that one! and took it. She looked very uncomfortable and said, "Did you put your clothes in with mine?"

...It's a side-loading machine. (Also, who would do that?) You're really going to have to come up with better modeling for your data, girlfriend. You have been listening to the lectures and know how important that is, right?

I said gaily, "no, silly, it was stuck in the machine!" and left before completely laughing in her face. Can't help but feel that this was karma for her sitting down without asking when I'd rather be reading -- I did tell her so when she got round to noticing, and she left -- though that's such common behavior here that not enough social discomfort can befall these people. Last night people sat down away from me at a large table without saying anything, which was fine, and then their friends started showing up, filled the table, and wanted to move it out from the wall to make more room. Rude as fuck!

Also we were locked out of our bathroom all last night AND THEN AGAIN THIS MORNING. -15/10.

My roommate is leaving due to a family emergency, so I guess my karma is doing okay? I feel bad for her but very much look forward to having privacy again!

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/661383.html. Respond wherever you like.
 

7/24/15 08:43 am - some good

Had last evening off (ish, it was free discussion of our own data sets but the thing I most needed to discuss was SILENCE ALONE).

http://counterfeitcontent.tumblr.com/ remains a constant source of awesome.

When you watch a vid and you're like, yes, that is the show I saw. (Leverage OT3, "Parachute", thingswithwings) And then because it's so well done it brings out bits that are even better than I remembered!
(rushthatspeaks, more Leverage soon yes? and gaudior is caught up to us or nearly, all together now?)

Maybe it's more like Kinsey 5 these days, because Idris Elba is among the best-looking men on the planet and mostly I covet the stretchiness of his sweater here.
(but look at that sweater, how deliciously comfortable must it be and what nice cables)

Still exhausted, so unfortunately even with good things I am doing something really hard, and this averages out around wanting to cry. :(

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/661221.html. Respond wherever you like.
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